Monday, August 8, 2011

Doing it.

I'm finally back and doing it for real. My last post was about me making a real attempt, and I feel that that's what I am finally doing. Last week at Weight Watchers I weighed in at 223.4, which means I lost a whole 7 pounds! This past Friday when I went to Weight Watchers I weighed in at 219 pounds, with a loss of 4.4 pounds making it a total of 11 pounds lost in 2 weeks!

I feel very accomplished for taking the steps and measures needed to go forward with this weight loss and transitioning into this healthy and active lifestyle again. The thing that is working for me the most with the Weight Watchers program is that ALL fruit and most vegetables are ZERO pointsplus! So I have been loading up on my fruits and veggies, which I suppose is the whole reasoning behind making them free; if a piece of fruit is zero points, will you choose the fruit or another snack that might cost you points? You will most likely choose the zero point food, which is also going to be the healthier choice of the two.

I have been pretty active too. I have been trying to hit the gym a couple times a week, spending Sunday mornings doing an hour of spinning, Tuesday nights teaching my water walking class at the Y, and doing another water aerobics class at the gym on Wednesday nights too. I would like to get more spinning in, but the Life Time Fitness that is closest to my new apartment doesn't offer later spinning classes, so the only ones I can take are in the morning when I work later or have a day off, or on the weekends. I also decided that I don't want to do TOO much at the same time, as this has happened in the past- I put this pressure on myself to go to the gym every day or get to a certain class at this specific time (even if it's not a class that interests me) and then I end up getting discouraged because of all the pressure I'm putting on myself to go to the gym and stick to the schedule, and end up findind and making up excuses and being lazy and not going at all. So I figured that if I limit myself to a couple times a week, and workout a bit at home doing every day things (when deep clean the apartment, doing dishes, vacuum like a crazy person, etc.) so that I don't overwhelm myself and feel guilty or like I am not doing enough. I DO have to remember that this is a change I am trying to make FOREVER, so I need to find something I can fit into my life and LIVE WITH comfortably. Stressing out over working out is probably the worst thing I can do for my weight loss.

But I have been eating some great recipes and feel really good about the food choices I have been making so far. I've had a slip up or two when hanging out with friends, but if I don't give myself SOME leeway, then all I will do is dwell on the messups and give up again. So I have be willing to give myself some flexibility and not stress when I don't have a good day.

All in all, I am feeling pretty positive about this all and am looking forward to getting back down to my slim 195 pounds. Right now that is my goal. I don't want to overwhelm myself by setting up a goal at 145 pounds, as I think short term goals will be the best way to achieve that weight loss. Once I get to 195, I can reassess what my new goal will be, and so on and so on. Baby steps for now. I need to take it slow so I don't freak myself out and put added and unneccessary pressure on myself.

I hope everyone has a great week! Time to get out of my pjs and get ready for work now! Will blog some more at a later date... can't wait! :)

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Making a real attempt

So my last post was pretty sad and pathetic. And I got the feedback that I was really looking for, but just was still not in the "right" mindset to actually get off my butt and DO SOMETHING about it.

To make a long story short, I finally just made myself rejoin Weight Watchers on Friday. I wasn't in the gung-ho! mindset that I should've been when joining, but I thought that maybe once I started the program it would just come back to me naturally and with that success, the drive and motivation to take care of myself once again would return. And I am still in the first week back, but I think the drive is slowly returning. I really like this new PointsPlus program now that ALL fruit and vegetables are zero points so I can eat my little heart out without the guilt of overdoing it. I am still in the transitioning stage where I crave fast food and ranch and pizza all day every day, but I am trying to choose foods that are healthier and are appropriate portions within my daily points. So far I have been doing great with my points. Today I finally battled the first workout. I dragged myself out of bed after fighting with myself mentally about why I should stay in bed longer, and made it to the gym for spin class. After an hour of sweating my ass off, I remembered why I loved spinning so much. I got that rush of "I feel awesome!" So I am going to make a real attempt to do spinning at least twice a week, along with teaching my Water Walking class (high intensity water aerobics) every Tuesday, and another additional class- whether it be Zumba or another Water Exercise class, whatever- and then TRY to incorporate some walking, or swimming, or eliptical stuff also. But I am going to start small (2-3 classes a week) and work my way up from there so I don't burn myself out.

So on Friday, I weighed in at 230.4 pounds (after eating breakfast and wearing my flip flops on the scale-whoops haha). I am hoping to lose 8-10 pounds on the scale when I go back on Friday morning. I feel like this is a reasonable goal, an achieveable goal. I feel like that first big loss will only be the fuel to keep me going. I remember how great it felt that day I weighed in under 200 pounds and I want it back. I know I can do it and I am happy I forced myself to make the sacrifices so that I can be happy being me again- because I am not happy being fat and lazy. It's cheesy and very difficult to live by but I really do believe... "nothing tastes as good as thin feels." :)

Hopefully I will be updating more often. This is also part of my weight loss plan- it really helped me in the past to blog, so I will attempt to blog at least once a week. Ok, ready.... go!

Friday, May 27, 2011


I am in desperate need of some support and help from my trusted online "fat bloggers". I DON'T know why I continuously stay on this path of doing extremely well or doing extremely bad. It's like one mess up screws me ALL up and I just give up on myself. Like I am expecting to fail, so it's easier to accept failure when I mess up than get back up on that horse and keep on going despite a bad decision or missed workout.

It started during my birthday week. I was off my workout routine and eating out like crazy. I got brand new spin shoes and really nice and expensive walking shoes for my birthday (both which I have YET to use) and I just could NOT get past the failures of that week. So instead of saying, "ok, yes I messed up BUT I'm getting back to the gym tomorrow and I will pack a healthy lunch", I just started eating nonstop and becoming one with the couch again.

Now I'm at the point where my clothes are starting to get tight, and I can't stand looking in the mirror again. The Biggest Loser Challenge at work is now just a torturous weekly routine that I dread because I just expect to gain (and have to pay) every week. Right now I weigh more than when I started. MORE. That is just plain unacceptable. And I am dreading the finale- I was so optimistic that I would be up there on the list, but now I am going to be so embarassed because I failed. Not only did I fail the competition, but I failed MYSELF. I let MYSELF down, which is the worst feeling.

I don't know how I was able to go from this optimistic, hard working, and healthy girl with a new outlook on life to this down, overweight, and negative one. I don't know how I let myself throw it all away and why I can't stop being so hard on myself- that I'd rather give up completely and be right back where I started instead of trying again and not let myself give up.

Please help me. I need some words of encouragement. I am in such a low place right now. I made a schedule of fitness classes I would like to attend this weekend and my gym clothes are packed in my car. All I need to do is get to the gym and know that I can do this again. Even though I feel like I'm starting back from square one.

I have to do this. Failing myself over and over again is not an option anymore. I hate feeling this way. Someone please help me.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Sick but still losing

Well, unfortunately after my last post, and after all of the excitement of trying Zumba, I ended up getting sick on Thursday. This totally screwed up what could have been an amazing week of exercising for me. I went to work and as the day progressed on Thursday, I felt worse and worse. I had a fever when I got home, and although I was going to force myself to get to spin class (I was feeling hardcore), I just couldn't do it. I got a salad from Coney Island, went home to eat at 5:30 and by 6:00 pm I had taken Nyquil and was fast asleep. I slept until the next day when my alarm went off at 6:00 am. I probably could have slept longer, but had to get up for work on Friday (preparing lesson plans seemed to be more of a hassle then just suffering through the day- it was going to be an easy one anyways). The same thing went on on Friday after work- I went home and got into bed (there went my 5:45 pm spin class). I slept in on Saturday morning and then took a 3 hour nap later on. I couldn't believe how much I was sleeping! I guess my body was just trying to play catch up- work has really been slowing me down and with working out on top of that I've been just exhausted and lacking in energy (though, isn't exercise supposed to give your some energy back?!). Sunday I finally got around to getting a few things done, though I still felt a bit sluggish.

I didn't really feel like I had much of a weekend, but I slept SO much that I missed all my workouts BUT barely had any time to eat, and wasn't really hungry anyway. Monday, Valentine's Day came, and Matt came over after work so that we could cook a healthy dinner together (and avoid the busy V-Day crowds). We made an amazing pasta dinner and salad. For some reason over the weekend, I got a terrible vinegar smell stuck in my nose and just couldn't bring myself to eat anything that had a smidge of vinegar in it. With the smell (not sure where it came from or why it was stuck in my nose), it seems that lately everything has this sickening vinegar smell in it (though I LOVE vinegar!!) and it's preventing me from eating some really crucial things in my diet. I gagged on Monday eating the salad we made-something just wasn't right and the dressing, a raspberry vinaigrette that I had just eaten the night before, made me feel so sick. The mustard on my ham sandwich made me gag, and then the bread the next day. So I don't know what exactly is going on with that, but I am trying to stick with pasta, beans, dairy, and fruit and veggies. This problem has been going on since late Sunday. But, anyway, my Valentine's Day was great other than the food issue. Matt got be some beautiful lilies that were delivered in a glass vase-just beautiful!! :]

NOW, about my weigh-in this week.... I'm not sure if it's because I took a week off and haven't exercised since last Tuesday and my muscles are going away, or I haven't been eating a lot because I haven't felt well, or what the deal is but I lost 3.4 pounds this week today at my weigh-in! I couldn't believe it! But my clothes ARE fitting much better, so at least I know that something is happening! My total weight loss is now 13.4 pounds and my total percentage of weight loss is 6.29%! There are a few people still ahead of me, but I still have a ways to go and am trying to stay positive and keep that money in the back of my mind as motivation. Anyway, I wanted to update since it has been about a week since I last reported what has been going on in my life. I now just need to get the energy to make myself go to the gym- all I want to do is go to bed because I am so tired!

Well, until next time... Have a great week :]